The Vixens and The Vamps
by SoapFactory
Summary: Klaus Mikaelson, wealthy vagabond and artist extraordinaire, comes home for an unexpected wedding in the seemingly quiet town of Mystic Falls. A town with old money and secrets, and where the young and beautiful come to play. Everyone has something to hide in this dramatic, tawdry, indecent, shocking and slap-happy tale. By liar.faker and The Deej.
1. Oh Trouble

**Kate (liarfaker) and The Deej (jomosfamilyjewels) present a delicious encounter with your favorite Soap Opera stars of Mystic Falls. **

* * *

~The Vixens and the Vamps~

A polished black Aston Martin is speeding down the road between the hills and valleys of Virginia, getting closer and closer to Mystic Falls. A small town with its history full of legends, secret councils, and stirring love triangles. Now it's as boring as a lullaby. While big cities around were growing and thriving, finally swarming with people like beehives, Mystic Falls remained a very small aquarium with very lazy fish. Like someone once said, it's Mystic Falls, nothing bad ever happens here.

"Unfortunately, nothing good happens here either." Klaus mutters (cutting in on the narrator's monologue) as he gets out of his car and pushes his Ray-Ban Aviators to the top of his forehead. An imposing, luxurious mansion stands in front of him, not even grazed by the claws of passing time. The house is festooned in white. White bows are draped all over the place, like the property was one big present wrapped in fancy paper.

"The prodigal son has returned!" A blonde woman in her late forties-although if you ask her she'll tell you she's still in her mid thirties-comes out with her arms spread in a welcoming gesture. The grimace on her botox-ed face is a smile, really, but you'll have to take her word for that.

"Please, Mother, we both know you hate my guts." He shrugs and opens the trunk of his black shiny baby.

"That's true. Get in." Esther grumbles and takes a sip of her martini before she goes back inside. He's a living reminder of that one night when she managed to do the impossible. She got drunk on Margaritas, and then she had the best sex in her life with some stranger in the back of a bar in Texas. Nine months later and out came that Bastard Buckaroo. Look at him-Klaus even has that cowboy walk, doesn't he? Bastard.

Klaus shoulders a duffel bag and follows her into the house.

He's doing it only for his little sister, Rebekah. Or rather, he should say, Rebekah and Stefan. He happens to be his friend's best man. How Stefan ended up with Klaus' own sister, it will remain a mystery forever plus one more day, until hell freezes over and Satan puts on skates. As much as he likes the Salvatore, he would never_ ever_ trust him, even with a housemaid, not to mention his darling sister Rebekah.

Dun-dun-dun!

"Stop crying, Bekah! It's the last time I'm retouching your make-up, I swear!" Caroline slaps Rebekah across the face, and then crosses her arms, huffing, exasperated. The bride just can't stop crying. She looks like a perfect white meringue, she's marrying a walking perfection, and yet the brat (ahem she means friend) has the audacity to cry. Caroline would marry Stefan on the spot if he hadn't turned her down years ago at the Grill. Since then, he's been epic with her best Barbie friend, and Caroline enjoys the fairytale she's living vicariously through her. She likes it too much to let it fall apart because the bride gets the wedding blues. No, not on Caroline's watch.

"How could he possibly love me? Look at meeeee," Rebekah whines and gestures at her near perfect form.

"Listen. Stefan is your epic love, do you hear me?" She slaps Bekah again. "EPIC! I am the mighty Maid of Honor, and you will marry this guy, do you hear me Bekah?"

"No." Rebekah stomps her foot. "He's too good for me." Rebekah throws herself across the chaise lounge in disgust. Draping over the arm and kicking her feet.

Well everyone knows that, Caroline thinks but doesn't say. She only rolls her eyes and yanks the blonde beauty up off of the sofa. "Now you listen here, Bekah!" She shakes her rigorously. "You got a great guy out there, who's waiting to marry a great girl. That's you. Do you know how many women would love to be in your shoes today? How many hearts you're going to break just by saying the words 'I do'?" Caroline sees the twinkle come to life in Bekah's mascara smudged eyes. Nothing like a good ole pep talk that reminds Rebekah Mikaelson of how truly spoiled she is. There isn't anything in this world that makes Bekah feel better than knowing she is the toast of envy in this small town.

Feeling much more herself, Bekah wipes away the tears and throws the dirty handkerchief away. Eww, she didn't know she had so much fluid on her face.

"You're right. We are epic together. Like Rhett and Scarlett." Rebekah sniffs and lets Caroline apply the thousandth layer of eyeshadow.

"I'm pretty sure that was rather tragic, you know."

"So, like Ryan Gosling and whichever chick he's with on screen?"

"Better. Now I have to go and boss around the flower girls and make sure the cake got here on time. If you let just one small tear fall, I'll show Kol your photos from the bachelorette party." Caroline throws a finger out at her in a go-ahead-try-me manner.

Rebekah narrows her eyes at Caroline, shocked. "You! Wouldn't!"

"Watch me." This wedding will have a happy ending, even if she has to drag Rebekah to the altar herself.

"Do you want me to slap you again, just in case?" Caroline asks.

"No, I'm okay, thanks." Her friend musters a smile and waves at Caroline to go back to fulfilling her duties.

When the Maid of Honor is gone, Rebekah examines her reflection in the mirror. She sighs heavily and throws herself across the chaise lounge once more. "I'm so faaaaat!"

Dun-dun-dun!

Taylor Swift's songs are blasting out like gunshots in the Salvatore boarding house.

_Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble  
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_

Klaus makes his way up the winding steps, following the pseudo-country stars lyrical genius. She really is beautiful and talented and Klaus would totally hit that.

Klaus steps into Stefan's room while the groom is buttoning up his perfectly white shirt. "What is this, Stefan?"

"Armani," Stefan says and looks down at his suit, "isn't it awesome?" Stefan grins and heads to greet his old friend, but Klaus just frowns.

"I'm asking about this ridiculous wedding! Have you lost your mind?"

"It's not what you think. I truly love your sister." The younger Salvatore brings his chest out like a proud peacock.

"And you're telling me Chicago is the past now?"

"Yes."

"And Rippah is long gone?"

"Gone and forgotten," he assures Klaus and fastens his golden cufflinks.

"I don't believe you, Stefan…oh!"

"Forget it, Klaus. And don't you dare call me Stefano!" he threatens and takes a closer step toward his Best Man.

Testosterone permeates through the room as the two men stand toe to toe daggering each other with sharp glares. Each man puffs his chests out to match the others until the room suddenly becomes too small to handle the hotness and growing tension they exude. Their emotions are heightened.

"I was your brother, your wingman." Stefan says with reverence. He puts both hands on Klaus' shoulders. "But now, I need my Best Man."

"Don't you dare speak poetry to me, Stefano," Klaus hisses and theatrically jerks his head away. "Did you at least have the decency to hide your 'trophies'?"

The air around them is now filled with secrets like Dracula's Castle in the Carpathians. Stefan's past is shrouded in mystery, and Klaus is the only one who knows about the dark deeds Stefan, the famous Ripper, has committed. Girls in Chicago still talk about him. Ripper, a living legend. There's even a lingerie shop named after him. Ripper's Red Room.

"They are safe in the cellar." Stefan says, and extends his hand to Klaus. "Can you be happy for me and your sister? We'll be real brothers now."

It takes Klaus a minute of melodramatic silence full of doubt (can he trust Stefan? Is Ripper truly gone forever? Does anyone know about what happened in Chicago? Did Klaus bring his best suit, or did he forget? And where the hell are his favourite cotton boxer briefs?) and an irritating buzzing of some lost fly before he reluctantly shakes Stefan's hand.

"We're strange bedfellows, you and I."

_I knew you were trouble when you walked in  
Trouble, trouble, trouble  
_

Taylor Swift's voice drifts back like a white dove of peace.

Dun-dun-dun!

Caroline storms through the mansion in her red Jimmy Choo's. A pair of shoes she would never be able to afford on her own, but are another silly perk of being friends with and the Maid of Honor for Rebekah Mikaelson. The cake had made it on time, but the orchestra was late, they brought the wrong champagne, one of the flower girls spilled punch down her dress, and that's just to name a few chinks in the overall event.

However, the biggest problem she faces in the moment is the missing groom. Rebekah and her bridal party are accounted for and she's seen most of the groomsmen roaming the hallways. Stefan, however, is nowhere to be found.

The ceremony is about to start and all the people have filtered to their seats. It would be a travesty and a scandal if anyone notices that the groom is gone. Speaking of scandals, she sees the youngest Mikaelson coming down the hall, "Kol, have you seen Stefan?" she hollers trying to keep her voice level. She is the picture of calm and collective.

"Groom, have cold feet?" he smiles widely.

She tosses her head to the side in exasperation. Blast that Kol Mikaelson. He knows! Caroline's heart races and her palms are sweaty. Not on her watch, she reminds herself again. Not on her watch!

"Of course not!" She slaps Kol on the cheek and throws her head back raising her chin indignantly. Kol Mikaelson is the last person she needs to talk to about this. 'Trouble' is his middle name, either that or 'Man Whore', but both are appropriate and can be used at any given moment. He is her boyfriend Tyler's closest friend and she hates it. There isn't a redeeming quality about him. He is brash and appalling, using women for sex and throwing them out with the morning trash. She is happy that her Tyler isn't anything like him. Her Tyler. Golden boy, she swoons with delight, but then remembers about the groom.

She clicks past Kol quickly, not wanting to give him anymore reason to think there's something wrong.

"Maybe he's hiding in the broom closet? He is marrying my strumpet of a sister after all."

She ignores his snide comment and continues around the corner to make her way toward the back entrance. She's already looked there but perhaps he has finally arrived. As she makes the corner she runs face first in to a suited chest.

"Oh, excuse me," she says. She would slap whoever it is, but she got thrown off balance.

"And where are we going in such a hurry, love?" Strong hands grasp her shoulders, keeping her from tripping over her Jimmy's. When she looks up, she feels her knees grow weak as she stares in to the brilliant azure eyes of her rescuer.

This is the moment when a fanfare of heavenly trumpets reverberates around, and angels rejoice singing Hallelujah. Klaus feels captivated by a pair of blue jewels fenced by long lashes, and for the briefest of moments he forgets to breathe. Her blonde locks shine in the vernal sun. Who is she? A fairy? A siren? (Probably not because the ocean is a bit too far.) A goddess? Does this perfection have a name?

"Genuine beauty." He whispers, unable to take his eyes off her gorgeous form.

When she speaks, her voice sounds like a nightingale's melody. "Uuum..."

"Do you have a name, o the fairest of them all?"

She still stares at him with her lips absently parted. Is this guy speaking Chinese, or what?

"Caroline?" She clears her throat while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, feeling a warm pink blush spreading on her face. Thank God she put an extra layer of foundation on this morning.

"Caroline," he says, her name slowly rolling off his tongue. He smacks his lips in admiration. _Caroline_.

"My name is-"

_Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble  
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble_

Klaus starts in with what he thinks is a seductive low tone, but the beauty shakes her head like she has just woken up from a dream, and grabs his wrist.

"We have to find Stefan!" She rasps. "No time to explain. Come with me!" _He's probably dying somewhere in the woods after being stabbed by a gang of Rebekah's former suitors_, Caroline panics. _Or he got trapped in the cellar by an unknown avenger who bears a grudge against the Salvatore family!_ _Or the aliens kidnapped him to experiment on his flawless body! And as he's tortured by electrodes sucking at his chest, he's probably reminiscing about Rebekah and their perfect almost-wedding. _

Because we all know that Stefan would never just bow out of it. Not Stefan the Epic Lover.

Klaus is about to explain that Stefan is still at the Salvatore boarding house struggling with an unruly tie, but she doesn't let him as she drags him by the hand through the crowd of guests. Always mindful of her role, Caroline finds a moment to stop by the orchestra and angrily stamp her Jimmy Choo clad foot. They saw away _Ode to Joy _making itsound rather gloomy and somber, and if this was a tawdry soap opera, maybe it would even be foreshadowing a great tragedy.

But Caroline Forbes, the goddamn Maid of Honor and hyper-social Miss Mystic Falls that organizes everything from her wardrobe to the wedding of her best friend, does not allow tragedies to happen on her watch.

Stefan will put a ring on it, even if it's the last thing Caroline sees in her life.

"Can you guys pick up the tempo?" She snaps her finger at the violinist that seems to be the only one paying attention to her. "It's a _wedding_, not a funeral!"

As she continues dragging the stranger through the hallways of the Mikaelson mansion, Caroline wonders who the man might be, and why she has never seen him before in Mystic Falls. (Because if she had, she would already be pregnant with his second baby. Come on, have you seen those lips? Every girl's wet dream. Literally.) Maybe he is some estranged Mikaelson cousin, judging by the five o'clock accent. It does sound like tea and biscuits.

They pass through the corridor full of antique portraits hanging on the wall. Proud members of the Mikaelson family tree, she muses, epitome of excellence. One of the founding families. There is not a single girl in town that wouldn't dream of becoming a part of it. So far only Sage the Redheaded Slut and Elena the Saint managed to join the club by ensnaring Finn and Elijah with their charms. Considering there's only Kol left for the taking, Caroline decides she would rather have her eyes clawed out by a creepy baby princess from Toddlers and Tiaras than spend the rest of her life with that sad excuse of a man. She's certain that he swapped heads with his dick in pre-school and hasn't thought clearly ever since. Fortunately, she has Tyler, who may not be a Mikaelson, but being a Lockwood is quite a treat too.

But what was she on to… Ah, Stefan. Right.

Suddenly Klaus tugs at her hand, and she abruptly jerks back right into his chest (cocking an eyebrow at how toned it is as her hands slam in to his chest. Damn you, Brits. Why do you have to be so royally… hot!?)

"Wait." He whispers. "Did you hear that?" There is a faint grunting noise coming from a study at the end of the hallway. They stand on their tiptoes and then trot towards the door like every old-fashioned cartoon villain does, their tiny steps almost inaudible, grotesque shadows following them. They both try to peek through the key hole at once, and their heads collide right in front of it.

"Ouch!" Caroline hisses, clasping her hand over her forehead. "If it leaves a bruise, I will kill you slowly and painfully, you…"

Then, before she can say Flat Iron Spray, she feels a tight grip on her shoulders as the Brit hurls her into the adjacent room, hiding them behind the door and pinning the blonde to the wall. A hand clamps over her mouth muffling a desperate scream escaping her throat, and she sees the man bring a finger to his (sexy, luscious) lips.

"Shh. Something's going on there."

He lets go of her mouth and they both turn to watch the oak door. They can't hear anything but see shadows dancing out of the keyhole, so Klaus takes a moment to "assess" the situation in front of him. He gazes at her perfect form as she leans forward in her tight red dress. Her ass is round and pert and he wonders how he got so lucky, bumping into her like this. He suddenly likes playing detective very much since it seems to mean hiding in dark corners with sexy little blondes. "Did you hear that?" he asks, and grabs her waist and pulls her into him.

"I don't hear an-," she starts to say before her back crashes up against him. His arms wrap around her and he brings his head forward to listen closer. She notices the stubble on his face and her knees start to do that wobbly thing again when he darts his tongue out and licks his lips. Those goddamn perfect pink lips.

Time seems to have stopped. The sound of their uneven breathing fills the small space around them. Caroline can swear she feels her lungs contract, shivers-or rather an earthquake-running through her body. If she were a cartoon character her heart would be lunging out of her chest.

She closes her eyes and tries to focus but this only heightens her other senses. She feels his strong arms wrapped around her, his hard chest pressed in to her back, and his cellphone prodding her just above her waist. Wait. Is that his cellphone? Her eyes grow wide and her back stiffens (Yes, stiffens. That word can be used to describe other things besides…cellphones.) No it is _not_ his cellphone, she realizes.

_I knew you were trouble when you walked in  
Trouble, trouble, trouble  
_

Suddenly the sexual tension becomes so thick you could cut it with a butcher's axe. In her mind's eye she can already see them rolling on a bed of rose petals, his Greek god-like body hovering above hers, his hard, huge-

Then the reality slaps her on the face. Caroline turns around and takes two large steps away from him. "Put that away, this is a wedding!" she scolds the stranger. She knows too well that a wedding is the perfect place for "cellphone" activities-we all know what happened in the Godfather-but not now, not this wedding. She has to keep to the _schedule_! (Not that she has a boyfriend or something.)

He only smiles at the indiscretion. As an artist, he has spent a major part of his life running around naked in the bosom of nature. He wouldn't mind if now he could explore Caroline's bosom for a change. "Well, love, if you weren't pressing that tight little body in to me then we wouldn't have a problem, now would we?"

She crosses her arms and scoffs at his insinuation. Who does he think he is?! Except for a living proof that Mother Nature favours some people more than others.

He slowly moves toward her again, he's like a wolf on the prowl. What he wouldn't do for an empty bedroom where he can slowly undress her? Where he can run his hands all over her body, kiss her from head to toe and make her scream out in painful pleasure. He reaches his hands out for her waist, his eyes lock on hers, luring her into his trap. It's working, she will be his before the end of the night, he can feel it.

He pulls her close like she was but a doll, making her gasp at his sudden movement, and then he whispers into her ear, his voice shaky from the excitement that is pulsating through his… body, "I fancy you."

Alas, the only thing he feels is a hot handed slap across his face. "I told you to put that away!" She scolds him once more.

The two of them are distracted, so of course this is the exact moment when the large oak door begins to creek open. Caroline turns around quickly and Klaus grabs her waist and pulls her back in to the shadowed corner. Again, Caroline curses Mother Nature as her hips involuntarily rub against his pelvis.

Two men emerge from the dark room until they are standing in the sunlight pouring from the windows up above. One man turns to the other and says, "Here let me fix your tie." This would seem like one gentleman just helping out another, but the way his fingers linger a bit too long at the knot of the tie has Caroline questioning the action. It's not until the face of the man adjusting the tie comes in to view, that she sighs in relief. No scheme or crime is being committed here, she thinks as she recognizes her father Bill Forbes. Maybe he wouldn't get the Best Father in the World award (he always wanted a son, but Caroline proved to be the ultimate disappointment when she joined the cheerleading team and refused to have a sex change), but one thing is certain, he is not a criminal.

Bill claps the other man on the shoulder and they shake hands before they turn and leave. She finally sees the other man's face and recognizes it instantly. After spending more time than she would like at Rebekah's preparing for this wedding, she ran into Mr. Money Bags, Mikael Mikaelson, a time or two.

"Who's that man with my father?" Klaus whispers.

"That's my dad… Wait, what?" She turns and looks at him, really taking in his features. Sandy blonde hair, pouty mouth, blue eyes, chiseled features. The man before her isn't a distant cousin, he's the estranged, bad boy brother (that no one was allowed to talk about because of his dastardly deeds) of Rebekah! Her eyes grow big like bubble gum balloons. "Your father!?" she gasps.

"Klaus Mikaelson." He extends his hand out to greet her and smiles a wide, Cheshire cat grin.

Caroline is so shocked she forgets to slap him again.

DUN-DUN-DUN!

_Will Rebekah marry Stefan? _

_What shady business are Bill and Mikeal up to? _

_And what will happen to Klaus'... cellphone? _

_Stay tuned for the next chapter of The Vixens and the Vamps!  
_


	2. What Do I Do

**What Do I Do**

"Klaus Mikaelson? As in _the_ Klaus Mikaelson?"

"Is there any other?" Klaus responds and grabs her by her waist and pulls her to him once again. He leans closer and purrs in her ear. "Now where were we?"

She could say that he caught her off guard, and that she didn't know what was happening when she was plummeting forward into his embrace, but Caroline was never a good liar, even to herself. She does a good job of making it seem like she's resisting though.

"No, no, no." Caroline swats lazily at his arms like she was a meek, furry little sloth. (What, she tried! He's really strong, okay?) Those brawny, manly arms- yes, _yes_, YES!

"No, no, no, this is wrong. You're a villain," she swoons and arches her back as she squirms and pushes against him for release.

"Am I? A moment ago I was your partner in crime, helping you find lost grooms, and spying on unsuspecting fathers."

"Yes, well, that was before I knew who you were." She stops to struggle, giving up on her silly attempt at dominance.

"Come on, Caroline, take a chance," he tempts her. The snake that tempted Eve was nothing compared to Klaus Mikaelson. He doesn't even need an apple, not with that kind of a…cellphone.

He pulls her forward again, this time with greater ease. They are mere inches apart. His breath is tickling her lips and his hand presses firmly on her back. He just feels and smells so good. You know the saying 'he's like catnip to the ladies'? Well his cologne makes this little kitty come running. She shouldn't, but oh how she wants to, it would just take a slight motion forward. Just another inch…

"Oh excuse me," a small voice interrupts, causing Klaus to release his grip enough for Caroline to escape. She doesn't escape though, not right away at least, she stays locked in his embrace and snaps her necks at the intruder. She doesn't want to stop her perfectly legitimate _eye-groping_ of Klaus.

Dark hair and blue eyes encompass a cherub face and a small frame wrapped in a traditional black and white uniform of the Help. She doesn't look up, she just stares in the distance as if she didn't just walk in on a torrid affair. "I'm sorry to intrude…it's just…um, Miss Forbes, Miss Rebekah is asking for you."

"Not now, April!" Caroline berates the poor girl causing a small whimper followed by a scurry down the hallway. Caroline rolls her eyes and shakes her head back toward Klaus. He still stands there with his arms around her waist and a smirk at the corner of his lips.

He doesn't see it coming. A fluid, perfectly manicured hand strikes him across the face. "Ohf," he says as his face swings the other way.

She takes a step back and straightens her dress and fluffs her hair. "I think it's best if I go see what Rebekah needs. Can I trust that you'll find Stefan?" All business and no fun Caroline is back in action!

Klaus massages his face and chuckles. "No need, he'll be along any minute, love."

Of course he knows where he is. He probably did the whole time. "This!" she says and flips a finger between the two of them, "did not happen! Are we clear?"

"Oh I'm sure I'll replay this little encounter a few more times before the night is through."

Dun-dun-dun!

Finn Mikaelson is standing in front of a giant mirror adjusting the black bow tie he's wearing. He smoothes down his fabulous hair and winks at his reflection, his snow-white teeth flash back at him. The oldest son of Mikael and Esther is a far-famed male model. His hair starred in many commercials: shampoo, hair conditioner, hair gel, and anti-balding serum. You can find his upper body on shower gel advertising posters, while Finn's smiling trustworthy face encourages Americans to buy an anti-aging cream for men. The truth is, Finn and Esther deepen their mother-son bond twice a year by going to a ritzy clinic where their wrinkles magically disappear. Without straining yourself too much you can easily deduce which one is Esther's favourite son. Only hours spent on discussing body balms in a remote Spa in the Swiss Alps can create such a profound bond.

This, or plotting someone's death together. Speaking of…

"Knock, knock." A redhead croaks and sneaks into the room. There is something witchy about her, a wicked gleam in her eyes, the way they shine with greed at the sight of her wealthy husband. It all seems like yesterday. One moment they're drinking tequila in a bar, the next they're standing before the altar. Sage can shamelessly call it the greatest accomplishment of her life.

"Are you ready for the slushy-schmaltzy ceremony, Muffin?" She coos.

"Don't call me _Muffin_.'' Finn grumbles, the corners of his mouth go down making it look like a horseshoe. "It makes me feel fat."

"But you have those lovely hamster-ish chubby cheeks when you eat my-"

"Sage!"

"As you wish, my Cutie Patootie." She saunters toward him and clings to his arm like a little girl. "It's just so irritating, you know. Watching your spoiled sister walk down the aisle and marry Stefan the-"

"Don't say it!"

"-Perfect Pompadour." Sage blurts. Her hands immediately clasp over her lips when she realizes she's hit the raw nerve once again. Stefan Salvatore and his hairdo are Finn's worst nightmare. Like every other narcissistic male model, it's his jealousy that keeps him at the top of his game.

Finn's fist collides with the nearest wall. He lets out a hysterical squeal when the pain shoots through his hand, "Aaah! My hand!" He crumples to his knees.

Sage, surprised by his violent reaction, echoes the sound he's made and wails in agony as she watches her perfect husband fall to the floor and start sobbing. "Schnookums!" she rushes to his side, "you know you have that Bvlgari watch photo shoot next weekend!"

"I try so hard, but it's never enough! The agencies want me and only me! ME!" He keeps pointing at himself in case you have any doubts. "L'Oreal keeps calling every morning, but those ignorant fools of MysticFalls still favour that goddamn Salvatore!" He starts rolling on the soft crimson carpet like a rolling pin on dough, still wailing. Sage kneels down and tries to stop him from moving. The $5,000 suit will crinkle if her dear husband's spasm continues.

"Shhh, calm down, Snugglebunny." She holds him in her arms while he sobs uncontrollably into the thin fabric of her black dress.

The soft and expensive touch of silk slowly soothes his tantrum and he takes in his wife's attire. "Why are you wearing black, Pumpkin?" Finn sniffs, his sad puppy-dog eyes boring into his wife's worried ones. Sage wears colors that fit her mood.

"Because there is nothing to celebrate, you know I hate your sister more than my first nanny." Sage shivers at the memory of Helga; her coarse discipline and God awful schnitzel. "Helga," she says in disgust.

Finn, ever aware of how quickly his wife's moods can transform from simple black to the vengeful abyss of Hell, changes the subject to channel her rage somewhere else. "What about the poison? Did you contact the guy?"

"I did. It will come by post as a small parcel in a few days." She grins and leans forward, their noses touch. "When our plan is complete, nobody in MysticFalls will dare question your amazing hair. Not even the Salvatore. You'll be the most powerful man in MysticFalls."

Finn's face lightens up with a sinister flame. His arms reach out and he grabs Sage by the waist, then forcefully draws her closer and growls like a savage, "Yes! The Plan! I love when you're so cunning." He playfully nibbles at the tip of her nose, "Grrrr."

She wrinkles her nose, baring her teeth like a bitch in heat. "Oh I love when you are so wicked. Rawr."

A good villain has a quality evil laugh. It rings through their dungeon, or their laboratory, or in this case, spare bedroom, and strikes fear into anyone who hears it. This is not the case with Sage and Finn, if anything the pair of them sound like a pig being brought to slaughter and a beached whale sputtering and gasping its final breath through its bloated and dried up blowhole.

If you haven't figure it out yet, Sage is the pig and Finn is the blowhole.

Dun-dun-dun!

When Caroline stumbles back into the Bride's quarters, its pure hysteria. In the midst of the bridal party, who were primping and elbowing each other for mirror space, is a white, lacy ball of panic.

"Oh thank God," Elena says and Caroline watches as her ever calm and regal friend crumbles into a chair. "Caroline, you're the only one who can handle her."

"CAROLIIIIIINE!" Rebekah races to her, nearly tripping over her gown and with black streaked tears running down her face.

"Oh for crying out loud," she throws her head back, exasperated by Bekah's inability to keep a dry eye. "Can we get Rebekah some goddamn waterproof mascara please?!" she hollers at the other maids. The other women scramble to their purses, clearly trying to keep things afloat.

"Caroline, is it true?" Rebekah grabs Caroline by the shoulders and shakes her vehemently.

"Is what true, Bekah?"

"Stefaaaaaan!" she bawls, "Is it true? Caroline, IS IT TRUE!?" she screams hysterically.

Caroline slaps Rebekah. "Bekah! Get a hold of yourself, woman!"

"Has Stefan really gone missing?"

"What? No, of course…who gave you that id-"

"Kooooool," she wails.

At the mention of his name Caroline quakes with rage. Blast that Kol Mikaelson! "He is insufferable!" she exclaims. "Why can't all of your brothers be like Elijah?" She glances at Elena, "You really did get the only good one, you know?" Elena just blushes and nods. She's perfectly aware of how lucky she is, which only annoys Caroline further. "Finn only cares about himself and his modeling career. Kol only cares about causing trouble and screwing anything that bats an eyelash at him." Caroline's rambling. The Mikaelson's have gotten on her last nerve. Not to mention she's still in the cool down period from her earlier encounter with… "And Klaus! Ugh! Why does he have to be so, so_…(hot, sexy, seductive, luscious)_ sinful?"

Caroline collapses in the chair next to Elena and starts to bite on her thumbnail. She doesn't realize that all of the girls in the room have stopped what they are doing and are now staring at her. She's too busy remembering how it felt to be wrapped up in the fiend's arms. She looks up from her nail biting and glances around at the frozen dressing room. "What?"

There is a clatter of female voices all at once, spouting out and bombarding her with questions.

"You saw him?"

"What's he like?"

"Is he as handsome as they say?"

"Did he attack you?"

"I heard he only drinks gin…vile drink, gin is!"

"Did he use fowl language and obscene gestures?"

"Was he boorish and ungentlemanly?"

"I heard he really knows how to use a paintbrush."

"I heard he has a huuuuge…"

Caroline's cellphone rings in the background, cutting off the incessant downpour of chatter. She looks down to see Stefan's name. She holds up a finger and quiets the girls. "Yes, hello Stefan."

"Stefan! Is that my Stefan on the phone?" Rebekah squeals and reaches out her hands to take the phone. Caroline swats her hand away and brings a finger to her ear to hear him better. "Mmm hmmm, okay…yes, I'll see if I can find him…okay, someone will be there soon."

Rebekah taps her foot and holds out her hand for the phone.

"Okay, Stefan, I think you're bride would like a word…okay, here she is." Caroline hands over the phone to the impatient Creampuff who snatches it and begins to sob again.

"Stefaaaan, where are you? What's going on?" She continues her questioning but, thankfully, on the other side of the room. "I am dying here! Do you hear me? Dying! D as in Downey Junior, Y as in why the hell aren't you here , I as in I will go crazy if you don't come, N as in…" Her speech trails off into gibberish.

"What was that all about?" Elena asks.

"We need to find Damon. Stefan has a flat tire and needs someone to come and get him. Have you seen him?"

"I think he might have flashed past me somewhere…" Elena says innocently, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

"Can you find him and tell him to get Stefan? Rebekah may start killing people if he doesn't make it to the wedding."

"If you ask."

"You are our savior, Elena Gil…I mean Mikaelson!" Caroline gives her a tight hug, and Elena spreads her arms wide and just pats her casually on the back, careful not to scratch the fresh layer of nail polish she's just applied. "I owe you a new friendship bracelet!"

Dun-dun-dun!

Damon is sitting by the open bar, sipping whiskey on the rocks and checking out the waitresses that are running in panic. Two of them actually collided, a bottle of champagne got spilt, tears followed, and Esther's rant ended the show. As you see, Damon has a blast watching people work while he observes. He inherited enough money to make basking in luxury his lifetime occupation, and he doesn't mind one bit. This is also the basic difference between him and his brother, Stefan. While Damon lives and breathes money his father left them, Stefan is a busy bee. Eager beaver. And other animal-related epithets. His work ethics and flair for business are the things his soon to be father-in-law, the head of the family and prominent businessman, likes about Stefan. This, and Stefan's hair of course, but everyone likes Stefan's hair.

"Having fun, I see," Elena quips as she approaches him.

He slowly turns around, wearing his infamous slanted smile. "You want to see real fun?" He wiggles his eyebrows and suggestively touches the buckle of his belt.

"I wish I could, but right now you have to save your brother's sorry ass, or the party's over," she pouts and straightens his crooked bowtie, before tracing her finger along his chin and turns to feign leaving.

"One condition." Damon Salvatore never just does something out of the kindness of his heart. No, he always needs something in return. Fortunately for Elena, most of what he requests is something she's more than willing to give.

"I'm all ears." And teeth, and lips, and hands, and body.

"I want to have a wedding night tonight, too." He whispers into her ear, slowly uttering each word. Elena shivers, thrilled at the thought of what his tongue is capable of.

"What about my husband?" She whispers over her shoulder and teases, fighting the urge to turn around and kiss him, her whole body tense from excitement.

"He had his wedding night, didn't he?" He asks and his hand sneaks to the small of her back.

"Excuse me Mrs. Mikaelson, but the kitchen staff is wondering what they should serve fir-"

Ugh! "NOT NOW, APRIL!"

Dun-dun-dun!

Finally! Caroline never thought this moment would arrive. Everything is in its place, the guests-crème de la crème of the whole country and even a few eminent guests from Europe and Asia, mostly business friends of Mikael-are waiting in the garden of the Mikaelson household, everyone dressed like it was a royal wedding. One lady wears that ridiculous hat with…is it the Eiffel Tower on it? Ew. Caroline instantly imagines Klaus wearing a high hat with the Sphinx or Pyramids or Big Ben or Buckingham Palace on top.

Distracted by her fashion fantasies about the certain British hottie, the Maid of Honor doesn't notice that the other girls and their escorts have made their way down the aisle and the Best Man is already standing by her side. Caroline shakes her head to chase away the nagging thoughts, and turns to grace whoever accompanies her with a polite smile…

…and she comes face to face with no one else but the infamous Klaus Mikaelson aka Stefan's Best Man.

Her eyes widen in shock. "What are you doing here?" She mouths, her eyes nervously squinting at him.

"Best Man duty." Klaus mouths back, his stubble covered face oh-so-smug. He has that devilish spark in his eyes that makes Caroline's blood flow faster in her veins, her heart skips a beat just to start racing and pounding a second later. Damn you and your evil charm, she thinks. And the worst thing is, he _knows_ she's staring, she's making it too obvious.

Caroline lets out a deep irritated breath. Great, just great. She's so riveted by her companion she doesn't hear the music that begins to drift around, and people expectantly look at them. As befits a true gentleman, he offers her his arm, and they start slowly marching down the aisle.

The profound words of Ke$ha, a gifted artist and the true voice of her generation, fill Caroline's mind.

_What do I do with a boy, with a boy like you.__  
Got me lost, got me hooked.  
Now I'm so confused._

Caroline forgets about the whole world. In that very moment there is no wedding, no jealous boyfriend sitting somewhere among the guests, no spilt champagne, no Twilight, no Kardashians, no ship wars. Everything that was troubling her mind fades away. The only thing she knows-she _feels_-is the man walking arm in arm with her.

Caroline is wondering along with the boozed pop queen of auto-tune.

_Was this a part of your plan?__  
I don't really understand.  
What to do, what to do with a boy like you. _

Caroline's fingertips press firmly into his forearm, and he watches her chest heaving. He makes her nervous, and truth be told, she makes him nervous too. She really isn't like any woman he's met in his life. Years of traveling the world to exotic locations with exotic women always throwing themselves at him, but none of those women hold a candle to the exquisite beauty beside him. She has the radiance of Aphrodite, a true beauty that's mere existence is to cause men to grow weak at the knees and offer her all of their worldly possessions for one celestial night in her arms.

What she wouldn't be like to sketch. He looks at Caroline and imagines her wrapped in just a sheet with all of the proper parts of her body showing. That doesn't necessarily mean her breasts, or any other obvious female anatomically correct part of her body, but her neck, her collarbone, her wrists, the subtle curve of her lower back, yes, these are the parts that make up the grace and seduction of the female form. He gets lost in his mind, imagining a sheet clad Caroline posing for him and eventually being wrapped in that sheet along with her.

The two of them wrapped in the sheet on the floor.

Rolling on the bed.

On top of his father's mahogany desk.

On the sand in the Coloseum in Rome, the sheets getting dirty like Caesar's robe.

Under the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. Caroline clutching on the sheets, moaning _Oui, oui, oui! _

On the green grass of the garden of Tokyo Imperial Palace, wearing the sheets like kimonos.

In a plane bathroom, thousand miles above the ground. Still in sheets.

He can feel her body squirming beneath him, the imagery so real now that he feels another anatomically correct part of_ his_ body begins to squirm and beg. He shakes his head and berates his impatient "fella", _Settle down there Buddy, wrong place, wrong time. _His equipment's cooperative spirit is gone, though.

As much as Caroline would like to stay in La-La Land with the blonde singer and the British god of sex appeal, they near the end of the aisle. It takes Klaus removing his arm from hers for her to realize that it's time to separate. Her fingers graze along his forearm a little too long as she releases herself from his grasp and slowly makes her way to the left of the Bishop. She has a terrible time keeping her eyes in the direction of where she needs to stand, as she continues to cast glimpses in Klaus' direction. Fortunately, the scuffle of the guests standing to greet the bride as she makes her entrance brings her back to the present.

The orchestra starts the familiar refrain of "Here comes the Bride", Bekah wanted them to play Pachelbel's Canon, but Caroline insisted that she stick with the absolute perfection of the world's most well known processional. It was rarely used anymore, giving off the impression of Rebekah having traditional and classic taste. Caroline smiles at herself, proud of what she has accomplished, she can't wait to see the reaction of the guests when Rebekah makes her entrance. The orchestra plays the first line of Here Comes the Bride once more, perhaps Bekah didn't hear her cue.

The intro plays again…

Any moment now…

Here comes the Bride… not.

DUN-DUN-DUN!

_Will Rebekah make it down the aisle?_

_What are Sage and Finn up to?_

_Will Damon steal Elena for his own wedding night?_

_Are Klaus' sheets real Egyptian Cotton? _


	3. Here Comes the Bride (Smooth Criminal)

**Here Comes the Bride (Like a Smooth Criminal)  
**

Caroline twirls her fingers at the orchestra one more time, insisting that they try once more. There is no way this is happening.

Here comes the bride…

She can't believe after all the fuss that Rebekah made before the wedding that she's the one who is going to screw this up. Her eyes shift to Stefan and he just stands there, much like his perfectly kempt hairdo, he is calm and cool, not even miffed about what is happening. He just smiles a winning smile and nods at Caroline. Damn! His hair really is perfect.

Caroline then glances at the audience and sees the woman in the Eiffel Tower hat turn to the stuffy gentleman beside her and whisper something in his ear. He just shrugs and chuckles and Caroline all but screams at the indecency that the couple is showing. How dare she presume anything about anything that is going on with _anything_!

Not. On. Her. WATCH!

Caroline shoves her flowers into the hands of the bishop and storms down the aisle. She gives curt smiles to the staring guests and one nasty glare at the ridiculously hat clad woman. _Come on Rebekah, what are you doing? _

The second she turns the corner and is out of sight she takes to an aggressive sprint toward the large doors going back into the mansion and there's where she sees her. She's whining and struggling against the doors.

"Caroliiiiiiine!" she shrieks and throws her hands out. "I'm stuck!"

Caroline is so relieved by this turn of events that she breaks into a fit of laughter. She doubles over in front of Rebekah, laughing so hard that tears begin to stream down her face. "You…you look like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man got stuck between two graham crackers."

Rebekah reaches forward and slaps Caroline. "Caroline! This is not the time to or place to have a complete breakdown."

Caroline is stilled by the slap and the irony of this statement, which only makes her laugh more. Oh no, what is happening to her? Why is she laughing?

"Caroline, stop laughing and help me out!"

"I can't! I can't stop laughing, Bekah, it's just so funny!"

Dun-dun-dun!

Stefan is the only oasis of calm in this wedding storm. He just stands there, rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands clasped behind his back. He would love to whistle a little, but the Bishop looks too rigid for Stefan to pull that out. His eyes wander along the crowd. What's all the fuss about? Why are they all feaking out? Has someone died? Rebekah is late to the altar, but is this really such a shocker? She's always late to everything because the amount of make up she wears is always slowing her down. No need to panic. She would never leave him, that's a no-no. His hair is too perfect, unlike Finn's disaster of a hairdo. Poor Finn, Stefan slowly shakes his head with resignation. Rebekah's brother will never get over the fact that his hair can't hold a candle to Stefan's. Even from afar the groom can see what Finn does wrong. Not only does he overcondition his hair, but also uses the wrong conditioner. Unforgiveable sin against the art of hairdressing. Un-for-giv-a-ble.

Finn subconsciously runs his fingers through his hair as his hateful eyes drill into Mikael's back. Soon, father, soon. He squeezes his wife's hand and a malicious smirk appears on Sage's face. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Mikael looks around in admiration for his beautiful garden. French kings would be so jealous they would throw down their impressively high wigs and trample them into the ground with their fancy little shoes. But now this green perfection has been converted into some white wedding wonderland cliché. The patriarch of the Mikaelson family can't get over the fact that he himself pays for it. How much will his daughter's happiness cost him? He planned to take his beloved on a romantic trip to Italy (just imagine them sitting on a gondola like two Doges of Venice!), but now it has to be postponed. All because of Rebekah's _Daddy please_. And the real kicker is that his little brat of a daughter isn't even coming down the aisle. He rolls his eyes. Typical!

Bill Forbes eyes Klaus appraisingly. His daughter is so lucky to walk down the aisle with that Eros. Look at that stubble that surrounds his luscious lips. And that long, lean torso of his. And those neat hands of an artist. And whatever treasure is hidden below his waist. Bill covers his mouth with a handkerchief. Damn, he's drooling.

Klaus' eyes are searching for Caroline. He's getting more and more worried about his sister and her Maid of Honor. He didn't think this wedding was a good idea, but now all he wants is Rebekah to say yes. Not that he thinks Ripper is Rebekah's soulmate, of course not. But if they get their happy ending today, Klaus will finally end up with Caroline in his arms, both of them swaying on the dance floor to Michael Bublé. And this is more than a good idea, he thinks as his eyes glaze over with lust while he's staring absently into space. (Though, it looks like he's lusting over the paper Ionic column that stands in front of him.)

Tyler goes through the Pimp Yo Workout app on his phone. What routine is he going to do today? Bomb Biceps or maybe Fab Abs? He could as well go for Crazy Cardio. After so much food and alcohol he'll need to burn calories like you would witches on a stake. He should really take care of Caroline too. She's gotten a bit too chubby in the face lately.

Menopausal Esther Mikaelson ogles the young Lockwood. One hot piece of delicious cake, that's what he is. Just looking at him made her feel like a young woman again, and she can get lost in twisted daydreams about him for hours.

"Mrs. Mikaelson? Miss Rebekah got stu-"

"Not now, April." She brushes the girl off with a wave of a hand, still hypnotized by a dark haired bit of all right. That young gorgeous guy makes her hormones go all gaga. Why is it so hot out here all of a sudden?

Elena flutters her eyelashes at Damon sending him a furtive hankering half-smile. He answers her with a lecherous, hungry look of his piercing icy-blue eyes. She suggestively cocks an eyebrow at him. He winks at her. She sensually licks her lips. He narrows his eyes. She pouts, slowly trailing an index finger down her swanlike neck. He swallows hard. She tilts her head back, her finger travelling south towards her breasts-

"Elena, are you okay? Are you okay, Elena?" She hears Elijah's concerned voice.

"What? Um. Yeah." She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I didn't get much sleep, that's all." Indeed, she had a very indecent dream about him last night. So dirty. Damon would love it.

"I know it's hard to sleep at night." Elijah places a soft kiss on her temple.

She bites her lip, fighting the urge to look at Damon one more time. "I'm just worried about Rebekah."

"Don't you worry. Everything's gonna be alright." He protectively puts his arm around Elena. She's such a good, caring person. Always worried about everything and everyone but herself. Sweet angel.

Dun-dun-dun!

"It's not funny, Caroline!"

"It's impossible not to agree with Caroline, little sister." They hear Klaus' voice. He's walking up to them, the heels of his polished shoes click against the marble floor. Big feet, Caroline thinks, fixing her eyes on the lowest part of Klaus' body. You know what they say about men with big feet.

"Caroline!" Rebekah slaps her again to bring her friend down and back to Earth. Klaus sucks his lips in to hold back a grin that was forming on his face.

"Okay ladies." He says getting closer to Bekah the Marshmallow Bride. "Let's pull you through this door." He grabs her right hand while Caroline holds the left one, and they start pulling. It reminds him of the scene when Winnie the Pooh gets stuck in Rabbit's doorway because he's too stuffed with his 'Huny'.

"Looks like someone hasn't been eating their veggies. Have you put on weight, Darling?" Klaus smirks seeing his sister's distressed face. Oh no, Caroline thinks. He did not just… "Or is it a little bun in your oven?"

Oh no.

This is enough to make Rebekah cry out in misery. "I hate you, Nik!"

"Bekah, don't." Caroline warns her, still pulling at her hand. "You'll ruin your make up."

"Don't stress yourself, Sis. It's bad for the baby." Klaus quips.

"Shut up and pull, Klaus!" Caroline growls.

"I can already hear the pitter patter of tiny feet."

"Klaus!"

"No, Bekah. As honored as I would feel that you would name it after me, we can't have two Klauses in the family."

To Caroline's horror Rebekah just lets out a loud, furious scream, and lunges at her brother ready to claw his eyes out. "How dare you!" A big white lacy ball gets through the door pushing Caroline and Klaus, making the Maid of Honor stumble and fall down. Like in slow motion, Caroline feels the hard ground is coming closer and closer, and that her head is inevitably going to crash against it. She closes her eyes prepared for a blunt pain and to blackout, but it never comes. With her eyes still half-closed, she realizes she's hovering in mid-air. Her eyes shoot open.

"It's alright. I got you." And then she notices a strong arm that's holding her above the ground. Klaus' face is dangerously close to hers again. Caroline doesn't know if her heart is racing because she was so afraid to fall or because of the close proximity of his body. She feels so safe in his arms. It takes a few seconds of staring into his deep blue eyes for her breathing to finally become steady.

"Thank you." She chokes out, too startled to say anything else.

"Ahem." Bekah's sitting on the ground behind them. Klaus obviously chose Caroline over his sister to save from crashing against the ground. Rebekah's big fluffy crinoline dress cushioned the fall. "Can we get back to paying full attention to me, _please_?" Although it may seem like Rebekah is asking sweetly, her closest friends and family have full understanding that Rebekah isn't one to ask for anything. She demands it.

Dun-dun-dun!

They walk down the aisle again. She's clutching at Klaus' arm, the same that caught her a few minutes ago. Do they all see her flushed face? Do they suspect anything? Do they see that her stomach is fluttering and twisting, doing somersaults because of Klaus' presence? (Or maybe it's the salad she ate in the morning? It smelled a bit off but she blamed feta for that.) When they stop in front of the altar, it's not getting any better for her. All she can think of is his face just inches away from hers, and the feeling of his hand pressed against the small of her back.

Caroline is distracted again with images of Klaus' godlike body hovering over hers, when she is met with the disconcerting look in Tyler's eyes. Her imaginary rendezvous is cut short when Tyler shakes his head. Is that disgust on his face? Is he disgusted with her? She snatches her hand away from Klaus' immediately and takes her place next to the Bishop once more. Little does she know that Tyler is looking at her arm flab (she doesn't have arm flab, he's just an asshole.) and making mental note of getting her on a Biceps for Babes program as soon as possible.

The bishop clears his throat and Caroline glances his direction. "Would you like your flowers back, Miss Forbes?" He holds out her flowers for her to take back which she does with a thank you and a sheepish smile. She nods at the orchestra and they begin the once more triumphant sound of Here Comes the Bride.

This time the Dollop of Sour Cream Bride with her brilliant white smile appears at the end of the aisle. The guests all stand; ready to finally see the bride in all her glory. There's only a slight moment of panic when Rebekah just barely shimmies her way through the narrow pillars and into the aisle. Stefan smiles widely and watches his gorgeous prize stroll toward him.

As she goes slowly towards her beloved, Rebekah reminisces about the day they first met…

_She went to a Roaring Twenties party at the Grill, dressed like a true flapper. Swing music was seeping through the room along with billows of an artificial haze, creating the appearance of cigarette smoke and a sultry lounge atmosphere. Matt Donovan was bartending that night, over pouring his fancy drinks. She used to be so into Fitzgerald's Great Gatsby that she wanted one Jay Gatsby for herself. And so it happened that Stefan Salvatore, Damon's younger brother, just came back from Chicago all brazen, rebellious, and mysteriously changed, any of his boyish features and traits gone. _

_He strolled into the bar like he owned it, still smelling of his date's perfume. Or not really a date, just a girl he had made out with just a few minutes before in the back of the Grill. So-maybe out of spite, or maybe to get his attention-Rebekah snatched the drink Matt poured Stefan from the bar counter._

"_Please. Help yourself." He smirked, mocking her._

"_Like I always do." She boldly tilted her chin up. Then she walked a few steps to him, placed a hand on his chest, and took a deep intake of air. "Mmm. You're selling yourself short, Mr. Salvatore. Still wearing your date." The blonde leaned even closer and whispered to his ear, "She's _cheap_." _

_Before she could walk away he grabbed her by the elbow and murmured, "Tell me your name."_

"_Sure. When you earn it." And she left him stunned just to parry all of his pick-up lines later. To Rebekah he was a challenge, and so she was to him. Then she became much more to him than just a pretty rich girl, and he won her heart by proving himself not a fickle obnoxious boy anymore. It wasn't a year later and they were planning their wedding. _

For a moment Caroline sees what all the fuss is about. The organizing of the event, all of the guests that are in the audience, the decorations, and even Klaus leaves her mind as she watches two people who genuinely love each other come together as one. The vows are perfect, her and Klaus do their duty and pass along their rings, and the Bishop's words are poignant and beautiful. It's time to kiss the bride when the Bishop turns to the audience and says, "Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace…"

If anyone says a word, the wrath of Caroline will be brought down like the almighty hammer of Thor. Caroline lets the breath go that she is holding when it seems nobody is going to say anything, when suddenly…

"HALT! I LOVE THAT WOMAN!"

"Alexander?!" Rebekah screeches.

"Who's Alexander?" Caroline asks, but doesn't really care. Actually none of the women seem to care as they all stare and ogle the shirtless clad Viking before them. Holy mother of chunky hunks, she has never seen anything so perfect in all her life. It was as if the gods themselves chiseled this creature out of stone and placed him on earth as a gift to all women and gay men alike. She glances at her father, and sure enough, he looks as though he's about to jump over the rows behind him and scurry to the feet of this masterpiece.

"I will not allow this shadow of a man to marry my Beloved Rebekah!"

Klaus rolls his eyes at the intruder. Alexander. Always such a pain in this family's side. A worse narcissist than Finn and an even more obnoxious poser than Kol. He is more pompous than Elijah and his greed surpasses that of Mikael's.

Rebekah, his little baby sister, was so desperate for love and attention that she jumped into his arms right away. That manipulative jerk played her like a violin. She laughed when he wanted, and stayed silent when he told her not to speak. Meek and mild Rebekah, poor girl wasn't herself. She was so into him that she didn't notice how focused he was on the family assets. It was like a dagger to her heart when she finally saw who he truly was.

Speaking of family assets. "Rebekah, what's he doing here, and why does he have my sword?"

Dun-dun-dun!

_What size shoe does Klaus wear?_

_Was does Elijah always sound like he's quoting something?_

_What the hell is "crinoline"?_

_Is Klaus falling victim to sword envy? _

_What hair conditioner does Stefan use? _

_And you, did you eat all your veggies today?_

_Stay tuned for the answers to these questions and more…in the next chapter of The Vixens and The Vamps!_


End file.
